did you know

OLD TITLES : NEW TITLES

Garden Boy : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Receptionist : Front Office Manager/Office Access Control

Typist: Printed Document Handler

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician

Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor

Tea Boy : Refreshment Overseer

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician

Watchman : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer

Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer

Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist

Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager

Cook : Food Preparation Officer

Unemployed : Township Management

Gossiping : Research Management

scientists

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .

Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....

That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .

Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......!

An Hour of Pleasure

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

After the Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

Who's This Guy

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Bihari

A Bihari was working in Mumbai & did not meet his wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna .

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this 'Happy event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, 'What name will you give to the son?'

The man explained, 'If it is the first neighbour that had taken care, the name would be 'PRATHAM';


If its the second neighbour,then it would be 'DWIVEDI';

If it is the third neighbour then it would be 'TRIVEDI',

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be 'CHATURVEDI';

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be 'PANDEY'...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
'Then the boy would be named 'MISHRA'...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be 'SHARMA'...

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be 'GUPTA'...

If she does not remember the name then?
'It is YAAD-AV'

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named 'DOSHI'...

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named 'JOSHI'...

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
'DESHPANDEY.'